hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
