i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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