I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Randomize
