just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
