why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
