A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
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