Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Randomize