I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Randomize
