She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
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