I cannot find my penis.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize