why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
You dont lie about slip and slides
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Randomize
