just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
