Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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