the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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