So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Randomize