New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Randomize
