get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Randomize
