I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
Randomize
