After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
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