I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Randomize
