so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
foreskin is a definite game changer
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Randomize
