I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
