people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Randomize
