She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
our cab driver is having phone sex.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
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