so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
Randomize
