He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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