I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
