Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Randomize
