Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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