I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
