I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
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