I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Randomize
