My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
