Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
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