if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
