We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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