So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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