pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
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