I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
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