so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Randomize
