Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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