He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
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