one two three fourrrrnication!
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
