all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
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