I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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