somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
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