I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
Girls should come with a carfax report
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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