planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Randomize
