addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
