i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
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