I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Randomize
