if i can run in heels then i can drive
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
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