tell your sister to shave her snatch
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
