It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
I seem to have left my pride at pride
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Randomize
