I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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