I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
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