the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
