your parents love me but you hate me
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
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