Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
