Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Randomize
