he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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