I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Randomize
