I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
