And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
