Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize