So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
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