i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Randomize
