Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Randomize
