she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
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