Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Randomize
