you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
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