no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
