Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Randomize
