I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
