They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
I think my moral compass just broke
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Randomize
