THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
Randomize