New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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