I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
