ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
