Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize