Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
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