then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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